


Dry Clean Only

by Sandyclaws68



Series: Making Moments Count [12]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Birthday, Established Relationship, Gen, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, Kakashi makes Iruka crazy, M/M, Marriage, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 22:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4804700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandyclaws68/pseuds/Sandyclaws68
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Yank on that one more time and I guarantee that the only sex you'll get for the next month will be with your hand.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dry Clean Only

“All those in favor?”

Hands immediately rose in the air, all but one person's. Iruka sighed to himself, and noted down that councilors name. It was easier than listing all those who had voted in favor.

“Opposed?” The last hand all but shot into the air, as if its owner wanted to leave no one in doubt of his (apparently) emphatic opposition.

Tsunade huffed out a breath. “Well, the ayes have it,” she said. Everyone in the room started as she banged the chairman's gavel. “Proposal for upgrades and expansion of the hospital is passed.” Iruka made a quick note of the voting results as she continued speaking. “The advisory committee has one month to crunch the numbers and present a plan to the hospital's board of directors before the council votes on a final budget. Next?” She glanced at Iruka, who sat up straighter in his chair.

“Next is opening debate on a proposal to change the name of the Torture & Interrogation Unit to the Sensory & Intelligence Unit, with a corresponding change in mission statement” Iruka said, reading from the agenda on the table in front of him. It was a stretch, but he was fairly sure he managed to keep the boredom out of his voice. Then he worked the hand signs for a recording jutsu he knew and sat back in his chair. This was likely to be a lengthy debate and there was no way he was taking notes during it.

A soft snore came from the chair beside him and he resisted the urge to punch its occupant in the stomach. It wouldn't have done any good, since the Hokage was only pretending to be asleep. Just one more tactic in what seemed to be the Rokudaime's overall plan to drive Iruka insane.

Okay, so the bastard had a years-long head start on that project. _And why did I ever agree to work as his aide?_ , Iruka asked himself. _That only made things worse._ He chuckled softly as he glanced sidelong at his husband. Even with his face partially hidden by the Hokage hat Kakashi's trademark slouch easily identified him. That and the general air of boredom that surrounded him like an aura.

Of course, that boredom was every bit the act that the feigned sleep was. Iruka had no doubt that Kakashi was listening to and absorbing every word that was being said. And he wasn't liking any of it, if the slowly clenching fist in his lap was anything to go by. Iruka could have interrupted the increasingly heated exchange (he did have that authority) but he was more interested in seeing what Kakashi would do. Even after nearly two years as Hokage his reactions and behavior were still somewhat unpredictable, even for someone who knew him as well as Iruka did.

“Enough.” The quiet voice cut through the acrimonious tones of a trio of councilors and everyone's eyes turned toward the Rokudaime, who had finally sat up in his chair and was making an effort to look awake and interested. Once he had everybody's focused attention he went on. “T & I is a part of the military structure of Konoha, and as such falls within the chain of command. I appreciate everyone's opinions, but this is a decision that I will make in consultation with the jounin commander.” The last was said with a quick glance at Akimichi Choza, who had held that position since the end of the war.

Iruka looked at Tsunade, who's grin could only be described as feral. He knew that she always enjoyed watching someone cut the council down to size, almost as much as she had enjoyed doing it herself. He sometimes thought that the only reason she had accepted a role as the council's chairperson (which her status as Hokage Emeritus fully entitled her to) was so that she could witness all of the figurative bloodletting.

The sound of a chair scraping the floor as it was pushed away from the table was overly loud in the sudden stillness, and Iruka was startled to see Kakashi rise to his feet. He quickly rose as well. “My apologies, Rokudaime-sama, but there is still one item on this meeting's agenda,” he said, sketching a small bow.

Kakashi's answering smile was slightly grim. “I'm well aware of the final agenda item,” he said as he cast a quick glance around the room. “And I fail to see how the council needs my input on it.” He sketched a brief bow to the room in general, barely enough to be considered polite, before striding away, the red and white haori billowing in his wake.

Iruka glanced at Tsunade, one eyebrow lifted in a question. Her small nod was all the permission he needed. He bowed just as quickly as Kakashi had and left the room, all but running to catch the Rokudaime. He could hear the discussion start back up behind him as the door drifted closed.

“Hokage-sama!” he called out as he headed in the direction from which he could feel Kakashi's chakra and hear his footsteps. And _Damn the asshole!_ those footsteps sped up. “KAKASHI!”

The distinctive squeak of the Hokage's office door echoed through the corridor, causing Iruka to swear under his breath. He ran the last few yards, around the curve of the hallway, and burst into the office just as Kakashi removed his hat and sat behind the desk. Iruka looked at him, puzzled. “What was all of that?” he asked.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow and picked up his pen. “It was exactly what it appeared to be,” he said in that annoyingly calm tone of voice that made Iruka want to punch things. “I saw no reason why my presence was needed for a discussion about celebrating the Hokage's birthday.”

Iruka snorted. “Unless it has escaped your notice you _are_ the Hokage, so I think your input on celebrating your birthday would be nice.”

“Iruka. . .”

Iruka moved to half-lean, half-sit on a corner of the desk, ignoring Kakashi's disapproving glance. “What is it, really? I know you love celebrating birthdays -”

Kakashi held up a hand. “I love celebrating other people's birthdays,” he declared. “Especially yours. But mine? I honestly couldn't care less. And making it into some sort of village-wide holiday complete with festival and massive cake is not something I want to see.”

“This is important, though,” Iruka said, voice calmly reasonable. “It's been decades since the world was peaceful enough to celebrate the Hokage's birthday. It used to practically be a national holiday, and the council wants to start the tradition over again as a way to restore the pride of the people of Konoha. Is that such a bad idea?”

“Not at all. But they'll be doing it without me.”

“They won't back down.”

“Neither will I.”

Iruka glared. Kakashi glared right back.

And so the battle was joined. . .

**************

Iruka's first salvo was fired the following morning when he went to see Gai first thing. One great advantage to now being the Academy's Headmaster was that he was able to arrange his schedule to suit personal needs, a fact that he tried not to take advantage of all that often. But in this case the maxim _All's fair in love and war_ definitely seemed to apply so he didn't hesitate to use any advantage he had.

Gai was pleased to see him, as he always was. Although in this case Iruka suspected he was even more pleased to see the bag from his favorite patisserie and the two lattes from a nearby coffee shop (Iruka was not above using bribery to get the jounin on his side). He at least had the good grace to wait until Gai had eaten one raspberry danish and drunk half of his coffee before approaching the subject of his visit. Gai didn't interrupt, just made a few non-committal noises and nodded on occasion as the story unfolded.

He was silent for a long moment after Iruka finished speaking, so much so that it started to feel uncomfortable. “Kakashi has always been like this,” Gai finally said, speaking in the quiet tone he always used when completely serious. “Well, he was somewhat different when we were children and his father was still alive, but. . .” The jounin shrugged. “His first birthday after his father's death he was on an A rank mission. Then war broke out, and none of us had much time, or reason, to celebrate.”

Iruka nodded; he knew Kakashi's personal history as well as anyone in the village. “I would have thought that would make him more willing now, not less.”

Gai smiled. “He celebrates when it matters to his precious people, but not for himself.”

“This matters to me.”

“And I don't doubt that he understands that,” Gai replied. “And if this was you planning a small party with close friends and those he considers family for his birthday he'd be fine with it.”

“So you're saying it's the public nature of a festival that he objects to,” Iruka mused.

“Well, that and it would mean pleasing the council.”

Iruka laughed. “Okay, I can fully understand that motive.” That was as far as he would go toward admitting that he despised the crotchety farts and every ridiculous, old-fashioned idea that they espoused. He sighed and met Gai's gaze directly. “What do you suggest I do about this? The council won't go back on the idea, and Kakashi is as stubborn as they are.”

Gai nodded once, a distinct twinkle lightening his eyes. “You do what you need to do to keep the councilors appeased. But don't forget that you are not only the Hokage's chief aide, but his husband as well.” He laughed when Iruka started to object. “That is my advice, Iruka-sensei. How you follow it is up to you to figure out.”

**************

Three days later Iruka arrived home at the end of the school day to find his notes from a meeting with the Hokage Birthday Planning Committee in the trash can in his office. Notes that had been sealed and booby-trapped in his desk at the Academy.

And they were on fire.

“KAKASHI!!!!!”

**************

Kakashi took the next step in their skirmish the day after the notes-on-fire incident. He had intended to talk with Tsunade sooner, but being the Hokage meant that his days were occasionally unpredictable. He had been kept busy dealing with a number of incidents that had disrupted the peace of the village, including one particularly ugly one involving the Academy's cafeteria manager, a butcher, and two members of his ANBU guard. Calming all of those ruffled feathers had taken some time but he had managed it, thankfully without having to involve Iruka.

As usual Tsunade greeted him with a scowl on her face. “What do you want, brat?” she asked, turning away from him and moving to sit on the somewhat tattered sofa.

Kakashi scoffed. “You know damn well what I want.” He tossed his hat onto the sofa beside his predecessor and sank into the ugly, but surprisingly comfortable armchair. “Why now?”

Tsunade didn't pretend ignorance. “Because we have peace. Real peace, for the first time in decades. The last time the village was able to celebrate the Hokage's birthday was when Sandaime-sama turned fifty.” She chuckled softly. “I think that was the only time I ever saw Sarutobi-sensei drunk.”

Kakashi smiled at the thought, but quickly sobered. “I don't want this,” he said, so quietly that Tsunade almost didn't hear him.

But she was an expert at understanding what was going on in his mind, even when he didn't speak. She rose from the sofa and went to the kitchen; it wasn't long before the whistling of a tea kettle was heard. She came back with two cups of tea and resumed her seat after placing one cup on the table beside the armchair. “I know you don't want it,” she said as she sipped her tea. “I know you hate all of the attention that comes with being Hokage. But sometimes, if we want to accomplish something bigger, we have to put up with the small annoyances.”

“My husband siding with the council is a bit more than a 'small annoyance'.”

Tsunade rolled her eyes and leaned forward to smack the back of Kakashi's head. “He's not 'siding' with them, you ass. Honoring your birthday matters to him because _you_ matter to him.” She shook her head. “Idiot.”

Kakashi sighed hard enough to flutter his hair. He wasn't about to admit it out loud, but she was right about Iruka. And he knew it. “So what am I supposed to do about this? I don't want some grand, public. . . spectacle.”

“You keep doing what you've been doing, and Iruka will do the same,” she answered with a hint of mischief in her smile. “Don't give in, at least not completely. And enjoy the fight while it lasts.”

**************

Later that day Kakashi entered the Hokage's office to find his desk completely empty except for one piece of paper. It was the proposed guest list for the private dinner to be held the evening before his birthday, and there were notes in the margins next to certain names in Iruka's distinctive, sloping handwriting. He laughed quietly to himself as he saw beside the name of one of the Daimyo's more annoying relatives _No way in HELL!_. He should never have doubted his husband; Iruka may be making a game out of their disagreement, but he'd do everything he could to make sure Kakashi was as comfortable as he could be with the situation.

That didn't mean he was done with their little battle, however. Not in the least. He used a modified Raikiri to destroy that sole piece of paper, well aware that it would leave scorch marks on his desk, then he called his husband.

Iruka appeared in a puff of smoke and a swirl of leaves. Kakashi watched the younger man's lips thin and his left eyebrow start to twitch as soon as he noticed the scorching and the missing list. He didn't say a word, but the look in his eyes promised a wide variety of retribution.

“Why is my desk so clean, sensei?” Kakashi asked, sounding disturbingly mild.

“The mission and village watch reports from last night have all been checked, certified, and filed, Hokage-sama” Iruka replied. The _With no help from you._ went unsaid but hung in the air nonetheless. “And this morning's reports are still coming in.”

“What about mission requests?”

Iruka smirked slightly. He knew damn well that Kakashi was just trying to rile him up and get him to explode over the apparently cooked-to-a-cinder guest list, but two could play that game. As long as he stayed completely calm it would drive Kakashi up the wall. Plus he had his secret weapon. “You ordered a temporary halt on accepting mission requests two days ago, Rokudaime-sama,” he replied. His voice had dropped and turned slightly husky as he spoke his husband's title.

And it worked like it always did. Kakashi's eyes widened slightly and a pale pink flush rose from underneath his mask and crept toward his hairline. “Will that be all, Rokudaime-sama?” Iruka asked, pushing his advantage ever-so-slightly.

Kakashi coughed. “Yes, that will be all, Iruka-sensei." Iruka bowed low, and made sure to lock his heated gaze on his husband's as he rose. Then he walked from the room instead of teleporting, wanting to make sure Kakashi got an eyeful of his. . . assets as he left the office.

Kakashi laughed long and loud when the door closed. _Iruka definitely won that battle_ , he thought to himself as he ruefully pressed a hand to the front of his trousers. But the war wasn't over yet.

**************

One week before the Hokage's birthday Naruto and his team returned from a particularly grueling mission and took Konohamaru straight to the hospital. Sakura was able to heal the worst of his injuries but he was still expected to be hospitalized for a few days. He was lying there the day after his arrival in pain, frustrated by the situation, and bored out of his mind when Iruka came by for a visit.

“How are you feeling?” he asked his former student.

Konohamaru sighed and flashed just a hint of his usual smile. “In pain. Frustrated. Bored beyond belief.”

Iruka laughed. “Sounds pretty normal for a stint in the hospital,” he said before pulling a sheaf of papers out of his always-bulging satchel. He placed them on the table beside the bed. “I can do something about the boredom, at least.”

Konohamaru shifted in the bed, pulling himself into a better sitting position, and grabbed the papers. He started to grin as he looked them over. “I can't do all of this from a hospital bed.”

“No worries,” Iruka replied, stepping to the door and sliding it open. He gestured to someone waiting in the hall and five newly graduated genin, including Arashi, Toshihiko, and Momori, followed him into the room. “Sarutobi-taichou, meet your team for Operation Birthday Battle.” Then with a bow Iruka made to leave the room, stopping at the door. “And if the Hokage asks you never got those lists from me,” he tossed over his shoulder.

Konohamaru laughed out loud and started plotting how best to accomplish this new, and dangerous, mission. And how to keep his team's activities from reaching the Rokudaime's ears.

**************

While Iruka was visiting Konohamaru a very important meeting was taking place in a windowless room on the second floor of the village's administration building. Despite the masks on every face Kakashi knew the identity of each and every one of the ANBU that stood there, waiting for his orders. Yamato and Sai were immediately to his right, and Sasuke stood just behind them. Genma and Raidou were on the left, with Yuugao between them and the door.

As he looked around at all of those blank, porcelain-covered faces Kakashi felt the slightest twinge of guilt, but he ruthlessly repressed it. He had little doubt that Iruka would make use of whatever village resources he could get his hands on to accomplish his goal, so he would do the same. His only concern was if Iruka had co-opted a few ANBU of his own – one of Kakashi's first acts as Hokage had been to grant Iruka the right to issue orders to them – which would make the job he was about to give these six that much harder. But it was too late to worry about that. He handed each ANBU a comprehensive list.

“These are the merchants I want watched. Discreetly. I have no way of knowing who our enemies might make use of, so working to intercept them at the source would be the best strategy.”

There was a small cough to his left, and Kakashi turned his head. “Your pardon, Hokage-sama, but 'enemies'?” The question was clearly in Genma's voice.

Kakashi glared. “Yes, enemies. Make no mistake; this is as much a battle as any other mission you've ever been on. A battle that we can not afford to lose.” He looked around at each face and was on the verge of dismissing them when another thought occurred to him. “Sarutobi Konohamaru is currently off mission rotation and in the hospital. I believe surveillance of him would be beneficial, as he has probably already been recruited by the opposition. Any further questions?” No one spoke, but all six masks turned to glance at each other. “Dismissed.”

Five of them all but fled out the door, lists clutched tightly in gloved hands. Kakashi turned and faced the cougar mask that he knew as well as his own face. “Say it,” he began. “Whatever it is just spit it out.”

There was a soft clicking noise as the mask was removed and Yamato glared at him. “Honestly, senpai? This is insane, even by your standards.”

“Are you refusing to obey your Hokage's orders, Tenzou?”

Yamato stiffened. “No,” he emphatically stated. “I am merely questioning the validity of said orders.” He sighed and scratched his forehead underneath his happuri hitai-ate. “The 'enemy' is your husband and this 'battle' is a damned birthday party. Why not just give in, even if it is with ill-grace?”

Kakashi's grin was absolutely wicked. “If you were enjoying the fight would you give in?”

Yamato grunted. “ _I_ wouldn't have started the 'fight' in the first place. And I think it's rather unbecoming of the Hokage to be behaving in such a juvenile fashion.”

“My 'juvenile' behavior is hardly out for public consumption, Tenzou, and you know it.” Kakashi sounded slightly angry at that moment. But also still amused.

“You're right, I do know that.” Kakashi simply snorted in response and Yamato sighed. “Fine,” he said as he put his mask back on. “But I want out of babysitting duty for at least a year.”

**************

Over the next four days a team of green, untested, and untried genin managed to outwit, outsmart, and outfox two seasoned ANBU squads and accomplish every task on the long list. Yamato made careful note of all that transpired, and when he delivered their final report to the Hokage made sure to emphasize Konohamaru's leadership and strategic skills, both of which he believed to be on the Exceptional end of the scale.

On the fifth day Konohamaru arrived home from the hospital and was not surprised to find a notice waiting for him requesting that in one week's time he present himself at Room 216 of the Administration Center to take part in the written portion of the ANBU aptitude test.

**************

Kakashi tugged at the collar of his formal Hokage robes for what felt like the millionth time, and for the millionth and one time Iruka poked him between his shoulder blades. Hard. He hated the formal robes; the collar was stiff and high enough to chafe under his jaw and the sleeves were heavy enough to limit his movement. It was a nightmare outfit for any shinobi to wear. The only good thing about it was that because it was reserved for ceremonial occasions he didn't have to wear the damned hat.

“Yank on that one more time and I guarantee that the only sex you'll get for the next month will be with your hand.”

The quiet voice behind him held just enough of a threat to still Kakashi's hand. “And if I stop yanking on the robe for the rest of the evening what will I get?” he asked, so softly that only his husband heard him as he shook the hand of another dignitary attending his birthday dinner.

Iruka stepped forward and pressed his length against his husband's back. That sensation was warm and much, much pleasanter than the poking. “If – and that's a big IF – you manage the rest of the evening without once yanking, tugging, or pulling on any part of your robes we'll talk,” Iruka replied, his voice low and his breath warm as it skated across Kakashi's neck.

Kakashi bowed to the wife of the Land of Lightning ambassador before turning his head to study his husband. Iruka's formal-wear was just as stiff and restrictive, but he seemed to be thoroughly comfortable in it. And absolutely to-die-for gorgeous, Kakashi had to admit. The kimono was a brilliant, sapphire blue that enhanced Iruka's olive complexion. It had an embroidered pattern of leaves around the collar, cuffs, and hem in a rich pewter shade that complemented the silver hakama trousers. And instead of the usual ponytail his hair was caught in an old-fashioned top-knot, accented with a silver and blue comb shaped like a dragonfly.

Standing in front of all of that Kakashi felt impossibly dowdy, even though he was the center of attention. Or maybe because he was the center of attention. All he knew was that he was hating the entire experience. One hand reached to tug at a sleeve but a warning cough stopped him.

Kakashi sighed. It was going to be a long, long night.

**************

_If I have to have one more inane conversation I will not be responsible for my actions_ , Kakashi thought to himself with more than a little frustration. Between the greetings (two hours worth) and dinner (three hours, dammit) he had had more than enough to last two lifetimes. When not engaged in boring conversation he had spent a fair portion of the evening contemplating ways to kill Iruka, who was responsible for his current suffering. But considering the cramp that would put in his sex life he had decided against it in the end, although he had to admit it was a close run thing.

And where was he, anyway? The sort of schmoozy, diplomatic small talk that was a part of the farewells was Iruka's strength, not Kakashi's, but here he was trying to handle it all on his own. He hadn't actually seen Iruka in nearly half an hour.

“Hokage-sama?”

The softly voiced question jerked his attention back to the woman he had been (however reluctantly) conversing with. Who was she again? The wife of some official or diplomat no doubt, but for the life of him Kakashi couldn't remember who, exactly. Yet another reason why he needed Iruka with him; the man's capacious memory had more than enough room for petty details like the woman's identity.

“My apologies,” Kakashi replied to her with a somewhat stilted bow. “It's been a long day and I fear I let my mind wander.” And then, not caring how rude he appeared, he glanced over her head to scan the room. “You wouldn't happen to know what became of my aide, would you?”

The woman's mouth twisted into a scowl. “Umino-san?” she asked, a hint of disapproval in her voice as her eyes dropped down to the ring on his left hand. “I saw him leaving the room not too long ago, I assume to -” Her voice stopped abruptly as with barely a nod the Hokage walked away from her.

Kakashi was halfway to the room's exit before he remembered there were still guests there. He quickly turned around, scanning the room, until his eyes met Tsunade's. With a few quick gestures (in shinobi field shorthand) he told her that he was leaving. She grinned and nodded, admitting to herself that he had more than done his duty in putting up with the entire evening, before making her way to the center of the room and taking over the farewells and well-wishes.

Kakashi hurried down the corridor, anticipation singing in his blood. It wasn't like Iruka to leave in the middle of an important function, and he doubted an urgent need to use the bathroom had been the reason for it. No, there was something else going on here, and he had high hopes for what it might be.

He ducked into the anteroom of his office, a space that had been converted into a sort of wardrobe – cum – walk-in closet, intending to change clothes before heading for home. But a strange flicker of light came through the slightly open door and curiosity got the better of him. Pulling the door open carefully he stepped into the office.

Candles. That was the first impression. They were scattered about the room, strategically placed to give off the most light with the fewest number. And, of course, were the source of the flickering he had noticed in the anteroom.

Then the scent hit him. Nothing overly strong, but pleasant enough to make his nose twitch. It was something citrusy overlaid with a tiny hint of sandalwood. Two of his favorite smells. And underneath all of that was something his nose would recognize anywhere, under any circumstances.

Iruka.

He was sitting on the desk. The Hokage's desk. The desk that Kakashi was always trying to cajole, connive, or convince him they should have sex on.

He was sitting on the desk, wearing nothing but the Hokage hat. And a smile.

Kakashi's mouth went dry and dropped open, but he found he couldn't speak.

Iruka's smile widened. “It's after midnight,” he said.

Kakashi licked his lips and felt some form of intelligence return to his brain. “It is, isn't it?” he asked as he started to walk toward the desk, divesting himself of his mask and the top-most layer of his robes as he did so. When he was close enough he rested one hand on his husband's knee and dragged the fingers of the other up one arm from wrist to shoulder. “It's officially my birthday,” he whispered, leaning close enough that his breath grazed Iruka's ear. “But there's one problem, sensei.”

Iruka couldn't prevent the shudder that ran through his frame at the breathy words in his ear. “Pro. . . Problem?”

“MmmHmm.” Kakashi tugged the hat off of his husband's head and tossed it behind the desk. “The problem is that someone seems to have unwrapped my present.” His eyes slowly covered the entire expanse of the bare body in front of him, reveling in the beautiful gilded tone the candlelight cast over Iruka's skin.

Iruka's breath caught in his throat and he moaned softly. That gaze had been so thorough, so intimate, that it may as well have been Kakashi's hands touching every part of him. Then the other man's lips were on his, hot and insistent, and Kakashi's chest was pressing against him, forcing him back until his elbows hit the desk and were all that supported his weight. The kiss went on – maddening and dizzying – until Iruka felt that he might melt right through the floor. It took him a long moment to recover his senses when Kakashi finally pulled away; a long moment in which his husband took advantage of Iruka's distraction to strip himself and leave his formal Hokage robes in a crumpled heap on the floor.

Iruka smiled gently and raised his arms, wrapping them around Kakashi's neck and burying his fingers in the luxuriant silver hair. “Happy Birthday, my love,” he whispered before bringing their lips back together.

He'd worry about the robes some other day. Luckily Konoha had a few excellent dry cleaners.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, Rokudaime-sama! <3


End file.
